Tuesday, October 20, 2009

hold of self

I’m a imperfect person, I’ll be the first to admit that. But sometimes I’ll make one of those mistakes that remind me of the skinny 9 year old girl with the 5 ton bookbag taking a slow 20 minute walk home from school I use to be. Oh I remember those days well, it seemed like every other minute I was making a mistake, skipping in between my fairytales and my reality, the real and the surreal. But I was just a kid then and that’s excusable and all those mistakes didn’t weigh my chest down with regret. I’m full on adult now, I shouldn’t make mistakes right? God knows the ones I make now always end up as some kind of disaster. Emotionally. Wreck.
I use to be a very angry person, tears running down my face, fist shaking angry. I couldn’t understand…anything. I suppose all teenagers go through it. I would shoot off at the mouth, I wasn’t scared of nobody because I had this super reserve anger that was sure to kick some ass, or carry me through an ass kicking. But then that anger caused me to make some big mistake one that changed me, made me bury that monster deep. Become zen. I never thought I’d see that side of myself again, but I’m making mistakes again, so many, a sure sign that I better shape up, i dont wanna blast anyone out my life, or send them running as fucked as me.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Disney Princess on Ice!

We caught the show on a friday night, this is the big reward for leaving the big city, time with the crew, the kids. Not half bad seats anyway.


The nieces, big rick, lease and nea.
Say Hi Shana!
Rayanna and Maddy were there too.

Lots of fun, my cam battery died! But then it was the memories that sticks the most.

Things will work out somehow

The storm is coming I can feel the wind. Quiet voices whispering again and again. A premonition of much more. Are you prepared for it. I can sit here wondering how I’m gonna manage this. I can wonder if I’m going to need another to comfort me. I can deny it’s onslaught or even just try to sit still, hoping in vain it will pass. But I’ve never been that girl. I’m forever being tested, so hesitant to get it tatted “Things will work out somehow” How much of that phrase do I really believe. It seems this life is guaranteed to prove me wrong and I am at constant battle on what to accept.
I’m not a storm fighter, but I can’t just ignore this.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Worry about who?

I should probably take better care of myself. I mean honestly I’m the worst, so when the doctor tell me this is wrong with you, course it's scary but really....i had it coming. Its moments like this when i wish i'd talked myself into financing that G35 instead of playing it safe with my second hand Honda, course it all makes sense now when i'm forking over all this rent money but still. if i'm doomed i'd rather go out Tokyo Drift style! Okay enough with the ominous talk, actions speak better than words. Its not too late after all I’m still something like a young girl I can work it out. Hopefully, God willing!! I just have to buckle down and do it, no ones gonna take care of me, only I can do that, and do it the best way, people are busy they don’t got time for my shit! Hell, I don’t got time for my shit, but wait what am I doing…worrying about other people’s shit I guess. I’ll make some time. Then DR here I come, and g37, maybe, maybe.